GEEK

Sometimes when you have been waiting ages to see a movie, they meet every expectation you had and are fucking awesome.  Sometimes they are like eating a shit sandwich.  Geek unfortunately is the latter.  I have owned this for ages on vhs and had always loved the cover.  I finally got around to watching it and was severely dissapointed. A brother and sister go on a bike ride.  This lasts for a few minutes of the film.  Then a brother and sister go hiking.  And finally the brother and sister go camping.  But wait they just kissed.  Wait a fucking second.  Is this some fucking moral tale that incest is wrong? Ive read other reviews on the net about this, and all of them say a couple.  At no point do they say they are a couple.  They introduce themselves to the ranger as a fucking brother and sister.  This is some evil shit!!! They definately deserve a good geeking later on. The acting in this movie isnt even the worst thing about this film.  Ive seen a hell of a lot worse.  The problem is nothing happens in this whole movie for ages.  Its fucking boring as hell.  Early in the film when the weirdo brother and sister are camping, the geek is stalking them outside.  No kill.  They save a hillbillys daughter and he takes them back to his shack.  No kills.  There is a great scene of the inbred brother and the hillbilly drinking moonshine.  We get a great song about racoons too.  Finally after what seems like an eternity we get introduced to the GEEK.  And he does a bunch of fuck all except running and panting like a dog. Then the geek falls in love with the sisters hair and we get a chase scene thats about 15 minutes long.  The end. Ok so theres a few other bits and pieces to the story.  But i dont want to "ruin" this movie for you.  Theres only a tiny bit of blood in this whole movie and really only one kill.  I would say avoid this at all costs. Please.

Drink Of Choice

Hillbillys love their moonshine

Rules
1. Everytime someone drinks moonshine
2. Whenever the brother whines or is scared by something
3. If anyone says jesus or god
4. whenever you see boobs (yes the wet tshirt counts)
5.  Whenever you hear the racoon song

 Sharkman says "this movie tastes like wolf piss"

Rating 1/6

HATCHET

Victor Crowley Rules
I love slasher movies. Its probably my favourite sub genre of horror.  And the golden era of slasher films was obviously the 80s.  Hatchet could of been made in the 80s.  Its got everything you need in a slasher movie.  Heaps of boobs heaps of blood and a bunch of dumb characters waiting to get killed.  Some of the kills are amazing.  I was blown away with the special effects. The Victor Crowley character looks like a demented freak should, and the fact that hes played by Kane Hodder gives the movie some more bonus points. The story isnt original in the slightest. The acting is fairly good, with a few familiar faces and a cameo from Robert England and Tony Todd.  This just adds to the appeal.  Theres nothing negative really to say, but this is a perfect movie for this site.  Good unclean fun.  Drink irresponsibly and enjoy!!! 

Drink of Choice

BURY THE HATCHET

Rules
1.  Every kill
2.  Everytime you see boobs
3. whenever anyone says victor crowley
4. whenever anyone swears
5.whenever you see victor crowley

 Sharkman says: I will cover them in a different pearl necklace for madi gras

Rating:4/6