FOREVER EVIL

Wow i cant believe what i have just seen. Actually im not sure if i can make sense of what just happened. A 1987 low low budget horror movie that throws just about everything it can into the film and i was left completely stunned.  And not in a good way.  It starts with just about the worst credit sequence i have ever seen.  It doesnt suit the movie at all, and I could tell i was in for a real treat! The movie starts with a bunch of classically trained thespians giving oscar worthy performances.  Yes the acting is terrible, but as i will keep mentioning adds a bit of charm and a hell of a lot of humour.  The dubbing of the actors, is so badly matched up, especially during the opening scenes, that the laughs just keep on coming. The start i guess is a homage to evil dead though not a very good one.  Watch in horror as a twig rips someone through a window.  Im not joking its a twig. After the thrilling opening sequence, you have to sit through a lot of dialogue and a lot of the rest of the movie doesnt make a whole lot of sense.  As i said before theres a hell of a lot of things in the movie, a zombie, death himself, a devil dog, the necronomicon, boobs, blood and a whole lot of smoking.  A couple of my favourite parts of this movie.  The first involves a what the fuck moment.  The two main actors after trying to formulate a plan to take down the evil force, decide that a trip to the movies may just be the inspiration they need.  I found out later its the directors other film being shown. It still makes no sense.  The other is one of the characters wearing a college jumper.  Yes that doesnt sound anything out of the ordinary.  Except this one isnt for a specific college, it has the word college in iron on letters on the front. If you like low budget horror or are an 80s horror completist then you gotta see it.  I dont hate the movie, it is a bad movie.  But theres enough unintentional laughs along the way and just enough to keep you interested. After watching the film with commentary on, Director Roger Evans has a good sense of humour about the film. He realises its a bit of a turkey, and doesnt try to pretend its a historic piece of film making.  That made me like this film a little more.  The commentary is definately worth watching!


Drink Of Choice
Red Bitter Cans

Rules
1. Whenever anyone smokes
(which Evans says is a drinking game in itself)
2. whenever there is a gun on screen
3. Anytime anyone swears
4. Whenever the devil dog appears
5. Anything glows red


2/6

 "Forever Evil? More like Forever Shitty"


Special Award

Red Mitchell gets the Eric Freeman acting award.  Well played sir, well played.

CHAW

Jaws! I mean CHAW!!
I love Jaws.  Its one of my favourite movies of all time.  And i love checking out the massive amounts of jaws clones that constantly get released.  This one has a giant boar instead of a giant shark.  Much like the classic Australian film Razorback.  Chaw however follows the story of jaws a hell of a lot closer. So close in fact we get a scene where a boar is captured, hung up for photographers, is then cut open by a hunter and policeman to prove its not the right boar.  Sound familiar? But i dont see this as a bad thing at all. I like the fact that its played out as a comedy, rather then trying to take itself too seriously. There are lots of oddball funny characters in this one.  And there is quite a bit of character development, without it ever getting boring. There are so many funny scenes without the boar that i cant mention them all but the classic old man warning about the boar is probably one of my favourites. The cg effects of the boar are fairly bad, but for me it adds a bit of unintentional humour that makes me love the movie even more. The boar seems to change in size quite a bit between scenes, more unintentional humour. If you like JAWS i dont see how you couldnt like CHAW.  If you dont like either film, your clearly a moron.  A giant monster movie that has everything laughter, crazy witch ladies, idiotic police, and a massive killer boar.  Do it!!!

Drink of choice
Feral white

Duh winning


House of the dead rules
1.  anytime you see the wild boar
2. whenever the crazy witch lady says call me mommy
3. when someone gets killed
4. when someone has a drink of booze
 5. anytime you see in boar vision


4/6

"Has anyone got Michael Caines number, we have to make Chaw: the Revenge"

HAMMERHEAD

Half man, half shark, full stink turd

Jeffrey Combs plays a mad scientist bent on revenge and curing cancer.  The answer to all his problems.  Fusing the dna from a man and a shark.  To create Sharkman. With a lot of these giant monster movies, there is a fuckload of boring dialogue, at least this time its not a military experiment.  But that doesnt mean theres not long periods of no sharkman and too much talking.  Another major problem i have is the Sharkman.  It can walk on land being half man.  But we never get to see it properly.  Theres a lot of quick cuts, the most we get is a torso shot.  Seriously use more of the fucking budget to build a decent Sharkman, instead of using it for the 500 explosions during the movie.I wanted to know, i was dying to know, if the sharkman wore pants.  William Forsythe, who i think rules, is great in this.  But he doesnt have much to work with.  Some of the other actors, suck some serious balls. Combs is good as per usual, as a horror fan you cant knock him. The chick from bold and the beautiful or some shit soapie is also in the movie.  She has had a lot of plastic surgery. Unfortunately you cant add acting skills through plastic surgery. Theres a couple of ok gore effects though they are few and far between, we mostly get a lot of the old throw fake blood in water and make a lot of splashes trick. Theres not really any reason you should watch this film.  And if you dont believe me.  I hope you suffer.

Drink of choice
Elephant beer. 7.2 %.  Your gonna need at least 8 of these little babies to make this movie even remotely interesting.  And make sure you have those 8 before the movie has even started.

House of the dead drinking game rules
1. Everytime you see the sharkman
2. Whenever something explodes
3. Anytime William Forsythe shoots a gun
4. Whenever someone dies
5. Everytime Jeffrey Combs acts batshit insane

1/6

 Sharkman says "fuck this movie is a fucking piece of shit"